Before Hadley Alternative Scene
***Spoiler***
If you haven't read Before Hadley, DO NOT PROCEED!
This is a scene near the very end when Conner gets a phone call and sneaks out of Hadley's room. My editor, who I adore, told me I should remove this scene, but I still wanted everyone to be able to read it. Feel free to let me know what you think!
Hadley
I awoke with a jolt, sitting upright, my eyes flashing around my sunlit room. I was alone. Alone in a bed I shared with Conner the previous night.
A knot crept up the back of my throat. What the hell had I done? I clearly wasn’t thinking with my head when I gave in to him. When I said I might be able to forgive him. Because where the hell was he?
Glancing around my empty room, I searched for a note, a sign that he’d just run out to the bathroom. But his clothes were gone. So were his shoes.
Shit.
I covered my face with my hands and fell back onto my pillow. Had he played me again? Was last night all about getting revenge on me? Did he want my forgiveness so he could finally move on?
The bastard!
Conner
My hands twisted together on the worn wooden table in front of me. My eyes shot around, taking in the inmates meeting with their family members around the cold lifeless room. Their families looked upbeat and excited to be there. The inmates all looked the way I felt when I was in their place. Alone in a room full of people.
I’d never had a single visitor in the three years I was in. My baseball coach tried to visit, but I denied his request. He’d taken a chance on me and I’d lied to him. Lied to him and used him to get what I wanted, just like I’d done to everyone else. I didn’t need a reminder. I was in prison for Christ’s sake. I was reminded every damn day.
A heavy door in the far corner of the room clattered open. My eyes shot up. An older version of my father walked through the door in his matching grey shirt and pants. His hair had turned entirely grey. His steps slower than I remembered.
He stepped up to the seat across from me. We both took a minute, observing the physical changes we’d both undergone. Acknowledging the passing of time. Recognizing the huge divide that existed between us—the same one that always existed between us. “Hi.” He lowered slowly into the seat. “Thanks for meeting me.”
I shrugged. As much as I didn’t want to see him, I knew I didn’t have a choice. If not for me, for Hadley.
“You look good.”
“Thanks.”
He linked his fingers on the table, his eyes fixed on them. “How’d they treat you in there?”
“I held my own.”
He nodded. I wondered if he’d had similar experiences. Wondered if his longer sentence had taken a toll on him. I didn’t dare ask. I didn’t want that shit in my head.
“Got my GED.”
He finally glanced up at me. “I always wanted that for you.”
“I know.” I found it difficult to meet his gaze. He had always wanted that for me. Just nothing more. He didn’t want me to reach my full potential. In school or on the baseball diamond. “I started work on my Bachelor’s degree.”
“That’s good.” He tried to smile, but I could see it was difficult for him. It was the first thing I’d done on my own. Without him pulling the strings.
My eyes flashed away, landing on a young girl and her mother visiting an older inmate who stared at the girl like she hung the moon. I wondered if she had any shot at a bright future with a criminal as a dad. Maybe that’s why I felt the need to keep talking to mine. To keep proving to him that I did it. I’d broken free from a life of crime. I’d broken free from the future he laid out for me. “I’m not sure what I’ll major in, but now that I can actually attend real classes, I think I’ll be able to figure it out.”
“Sounds like you’ve got it all planned out.”
I nodded.
His voice lowered, like he didn’t want any of the other inmates or their families to overhear. “I didn’t do you any favors, did I?”
I stared across the table at this man who had lost everything. The majority because of his poor decisions, but some through no fault of his own. “You just got caught up in the wrong shit.”
He shrugged. “Ever think of getting back into it?”
My eyes grew wide. “Back into it?”
He nodded. “I’m still in touch with Mario if—”
I shook my head. “No. I’d be a fool to even consider it.”
His lips tightened, like he wasn’t getting the reaction he anticipated.
That’s when I saw it. It was as if no time had passed at all. The painful truth stared me right in the face. And I’d fallen for it. “That’s why I’m here. That’s why you wanted to see me.”
“It doesn’t have to be over,” his voice grew rushed, his eyes scheming. “We can still—”
“Stop!”
Heads turned. The guards’ ears perked up as one moved closer to our table.
I lowered my voice, leaning in so my father heard every single word. “Maybe I didn’t make it clear in the past, but I want to be perfectly clear right now.” I looked him dead in the eyes. “I will never, ever, be caught dead in a cell again. Which means my life from here on out is on the straight and narrow. I got a girl who I plan to marry someday. A degree that’s within reach. And if I play my cards right, I might even be able to earn a walk-on spot on the baseball team.”
His eyes held anger, disgust even.
“You may have stolen my childhood, but I’ll be damned if I follow you down that path and destroy my future. You do what you need to do when you get out of here. But know, I can’t be part of your life if you do.” I pushed back my chair, scraping it across the floor as I stood. “Look me up if you decide to change. That’s what Mom would’ve wanted.” I turned around and walked to the door where the guard stood waiting to let me out. I stepped through the door and away from the man who destroyed my life. He could have my past. But he’d never touch my future.
* * *
I ducked in the front door of Hadley’s building as a guy stepped outside. I approached her closed door unsure how to proceed. I’d been incredibly thoughtless when I rushed out of her room earlier, not even bothering to leave a note in my quest to close one chapter of my life.
I tapped the door with my knuckles and waited. I couldn’t hear any rustling on the other side. I wouldn’t blame her if she’d gone out. I hadn’t given her any indication that I’d be back. Ever. And after last night, she deserved open communication. She deserved to know everywhere I went and everything I did. I guess when most of my life had been determined for me, I fucked up when I held the reins.
Three years before, Hadley had wanted us to be a team and I hadn’t trusted her enough to do that—to let her in. And though I never wanted to make that mistake again, there I stood after having done just that.
I tapped on the door again.
The door finally unlocked and swung opened. But it wasn’t Hadley who stood there. It was her roommate, staring me down like she wanted to kill me. She dug two fingers into my chest. “Hurt her and I will kill you.” She stepped around me and took off down the hallway.
I stood in the open doorway staring at Hadley who sat on her bed with a box filled with envelopes at her side. “Hi.” I stepped inside, closing the door behind me.
She stared at me, her eyes dropping to my empty hands. “I expected a coffee. Or at least some licorice.”
I smiled. “Sorry to disappoint.” I walked over and sat down beside her, the mattress dipping under my weight.
“Where’d you go?”
“To see my dad.”
Her head recoiled. “Your dad?”
I nodded. “He got my number from my PO and wanted to see me.”
Disappointment filled her eyes. “You haven’t spoken to him since…”
“Since before I got arrested? No.”
“But you just up and went the second he wanted to see you?”
I nodded, regret heavy in my heart and likely written all over my face.
“So?”
“So what?”
She cocked her head like it was a stupid question. “What did he want?”
I shrugged. “To catch up.”
“Omission is as bad as lying. If you want me to trust you again, like really trust you, you’ve got to be completely honest with me.”
“How do you know I’m omitting something?”
She shrugged. “I just know you.”
My eyes drifted shut on an exhale, loving the fact that she did know me. She was the only person who knew me. My eyes sprang open. “You sure about that?”
She picked up a handful of what I now realized were my letters and waved them in front of my face. “You’d have to be a pathological liar to keep up this charade for so long.”
I laughed.
“So, do you plan on visiting him often?” She’s tried for nonchalance, but I could tell the idea unsettled her.
I shook my head, my laughter gone. “He only wanted to see me to feel me out. See if I’d be open to getting back in the game.”
I heard her sharp intake of breath. “That asshole. How dare he?”
I snickered at the reemergence of my feisty girl. “I told him the only game I planned to play involved a bat and a glove.”
Her eyes widened, excitement etched in them. “I know the coach here. I can talk to him. Maybe get you a tryout.”
I placed my hand on her knee, silencing her. “It’s already taken care of.”
She inhaled a deep breath, exhaling just as forcefully. It was as if she finally understood I wasn’t going anywhere. I had no plans to leave. I was here—at school and in her life—for the foreseeable future.
“So, you’re not curious if I even considered his offer?”
She shook her head. “Nope. I know you didn’t.”
I bumped her with my shoulder. “What makes you so sure?”
She looked me dead in the eyes. “You wouldn’t risk losing me twice.”
I threw back my head and laughed. Like really laughed. She wasn’t mad I’d disappeared. She wasn’t worried it had been a one-time thing. She wasn’t even scared I’d visited my dad. Because she already knew the truth. And she was absolutely right. I wouldn’t risk losing her again. And in that moment, with my past behind me and my future staring back at me with gorgeous blue eyes, I knew. I knew all was right in the world again. I had my girl. And I had my future. It was mine for the taking. “You got that right.”
I awoke with a jolt, sitting upright, my eyes flashing around my sunlit room. I was alone. Alone in a bed I shared with Conner the previous night.
A knot crept up the back of my throat. What the hell had I done? I clearly wasn’t thinking with my head when I gave in to him. When I said I might be able to forgive him. Because where the hell was he?
Glancing around my empty room, I searched for a note, a sign that he’d just run out to the bathroom. But his clothes were gone. So were his shoes.
Shit.
I covered my face with my hands and fell back onto my pillow. Had he played me again? Was last night all about getting revenge on me? Did he want my forgiveness so he could finally move on?
The bastard!
Conner
My hands twisted together on the worn wooden table in front of me. My eyes shot around, taking in the inmates meeting with their family members around the cold lifeless room. Their families looked upbeat and excited to be there. The inmates all looked the way I felt when I was in their place. Alone in a room full of people.
I’d never had a single visitor in the three years I was in. My baseball coach tried to visit, but I denied his request. He’d taken a chance on me and I’d lied to him. Lied to him and used him to get what I wanted, just like I’d done to everyone else. I didn’t need a reminder. I was in prison for Christ’s sake. I was reminded every damn day.
A heavy door in the far corner of the room clattered open. My eyes shot up. An older version of my father walked through the door in his matching grey shirt and pants. His hair had turned entirely grey. His steps slower than I remembered.
He stepped up to the seat across from me. We both took a minute, observing the physical changes we’d both undergone. Acknowledging the passing of time. Recognizing the huge divide that existed between us—the same one that always existed between us. “Hi.” He lowered slowly into the seat. “Thanks for meeting me.”
I shrugged. As much as I didn’t want to see him, I knew I didn’t have a choice. If not for me, for Hadley.
“You look good.”
“Thanks.”
He linked his fingers on the table, his eyes fixed on them. “How’d they treat you in there?”
“I held my own.”
He nodded. I wondered if he’d had similar experiences. Wondered if his longer sentence had taken a toll on him. I didn’t dare ask. I didn’t want that shit in my head.
“Got my GED.”
He finally glanced up at me. “I always wanted that for you.”
“I know.” I found it difficult to meet his gaze. He had always wanted that for me. Just nothing more. He didn’t want me to reach my full potential. In school or on the baseball diamond. “I started work on my Bachelor’s degree.”
“That’s good.” He tried to smile, but I could see it was difficult for him. It was the first thing I’d done on my own. Without him pulling the strings.
My eyes flashed away, landing on a young girl and her mother visiting an older inmate who stared at the girl like she hung the moon. I wondered if she had any shot at a bright future with a criminal as a dad. Maybe that’s why I felt the need to keep talking to mine. To keep proving to him that I did it. I’d broken free from a life of crime. I’d broken free from the future he laid out for me. “I’m not sure what I’ll major in, but now that I can actually attend real classes, I think I’ll be able to figure it out.”
“Sounds like you’ve got it all planned out.”
I nodded.
His voice lowered, like he didn’t want any of the other inmates or their families to overhear. “I didn’t do you any favors, did I?”
I stared across the table at this man who had lost everything. The majority because of his poor decisions, but some through no fault of his own. “You just got caught up in the wrong shit.”
He shrugged. “Ever think of getting back into it?”
My eyes grew wide. “Back into it?”
He nodded. “I’m still in touch with Mario if—”
I shook my head. “No. I’d be a fool to even consider it.”
His lips tightened, like he wasn’t getting the reaction he anticipated.
That’s when I saw it. It was as if no time had passed at all. The painful truth stared me right in the face. And I’d fallen for it. “That’s why I’m here. That’s why you wanted to see me.”
“It doesn’t have to be over,” his voice grew rushed, his eyes scheming. “We can still—”
“Stop!”
Heads turned. The guards’ ears perked up as one moved closer to our table.
I lowered my voice, leaning in so my father heard every single word. “Maybe I didn’t make it clear in the past, but I want to be perfectly clear right now.” I looked him dead in the eyes. “I will never, ever, be caught dead in a cell again. Which means my life from here on out is on the straight and narrow. I got a girl who I plan to marry someday. A degree that’s within reach. And if I play my cards right, I might even be able to earn a walk-on spot on the baseball team.”
His eyes held anger, disgust even.
“You may have stolen my childhood, but I’ll be damned if I follow you down that path and destroy my future. You do what you need to do when you get out of here. But know, I can’t be part of your life if you do.” I pushed back my chair, scraping it across the floor as I stood. “Look me up if you decide to change. That’s what Mom would’ve wanted.” I turned around and walked to the door where the guard stood waiting to let me out. I stepped through the door and away from the man who destroyed my life. He could have my past. But he’d never touch my future.
* * *
I ducked in the front door of Hadley’s building as a guy stepped outside. I approached her closed door unsure how to proceed. I’d been incredibly thoughtless when I rushed out of her room earlier, not even bothering to leave a note in my quest to close one chapter of my life.
I tapped the door with my knuckles and waited. I couldn’t hear any rustling on the other side. I wouldn’t blame her if she’d gone out. I hadn’t given her any indication that I’d be back. Ever. And after last night, she deserved open communication. She deserved to know everywhere I went and everything I did. I guess when most of my life had been determined for me, I fucked up when I held the reins.
Three years before, Hadley had wanted us to be a team and I hadn’t trusted her enough to do that—to let her in. And though I never wanted to make that mistake again, there I stood after having done just that.
I tapped on the door again.
The door finally unlocked and swung opened. But it wasn’t Hadley who stood there. It was her roommate, staring me down like she wanted to kill me. She dug two fingers into my chest. “Hurt her and I will kill you.” She stepped around me and took off down the hallway.
I stood in the open doorway staring at Hadley who sat on her bed with a box filled with envelopes at her side. “Hi.” I stepped inside, closing the door behind me.
She stared at me, her eyes dropping to my empty hands. “I expected a coffee. Or at least some licorice.”
I smiled. “Sorry to disappoint.” I walked over and sat down beside her, the mattress dipping under my weight.
“Where’d you go?”
“To see my dad.”
Her head recoiled. “Your dad?”
I nodded. “He got my number from my PO and wanted to see me.”
Disappointment filled her eyes. “You haven’t spoken to him since…”
“Since before I got arrested? No.”
“But you just up and went the second he wanted to see you?”
I nodded, regret heavy in my heart and likely written all over my face.
“So?”
“So what?”
She cocked her head like it was a stupid question. “What did he want?”
I shrugged. “To catch up.”
“Omission is as bad as lying. If you want me to trust you again, like really trust you, you’ve got to be completely honest with me.”
“How do you know I’m omitting something?”
She shrugged. “I just know you.”
My eyes drifted shut on an exhale, loving the fact that she did know me. She was the only person who knew me. My eyes sprang open. “You sure about that?”
She picked up a handful of what I now realized were my letters and waved them in front of my face. “You’d have to be a pathological liar to keep up this charade for so long.”
I laughed.
“So, do you plan on visiting him often?” She’s tried for nonchalance, but I could tell the idea unsettled her.
I shook my head, my laughter gone. “He only wanted to see me to feel me out. See if I’d be open to getting back in the game.”
I heard her sharp intake of breath. “That asshole. How dare he?”
I snickered at the reemergence of my feisty girl. “I told him the only game I planned to play involved a bat and a glove.”
Her eyes widened, excitement etched in them. “I know the coach here. I can talk to him. Maybe get you a tryout.”
I placed my hand on her knee, silencing her. “It’s already taken care of.”
She inhaled a deep breath, exhaling just as forcefully. It was as if she finally understood I wasn’t going anywhere. I had no plans to leave. I was here—at school and in her life—for the foreseeable future.
“So, you’re not curious if I even considered his offer?”
She shook her head. “Nope. I know you didn’t.”
I bumped her with my shoulder. “What makes you so sure?”
She looked me dead in the eyes. “You wouldn’t risk losing me twice.”
I threw back my head and laughed. Like really laughed. She wasn’t mad I’d disappeared. She wasn’t worried it had been a one-time thing. She wasn’t even scared I’d visited my dad. Because she already knew the truth. And she was absolutely right. I wouldn’t risk losing her again. And in that moment, with my past behind me and my future staring back at me with gorgeous blue eyes, I knew. I knew all was right in the world again. I had my girl. And I had my future. It was mine for the taking. “You got that right.”